Ya gotta know when to leave the table!
Oct 17, 2012
I get inspiring quotes sent on a daily basis and I couldn't help sharing today's -- and adding my own "spin" to it -- prompted by a reminder sent to me by a favourite, though still aspiring, academic author Ann-Laura van Harmelen [LINK]
The quote:
"You have to do what you love to do, not get stuck in that comfort zone of a regular job. Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it."
Lucinda Bassett
and the commentary (from Trans4Mind author):
"Nothing more stressful and depressing than going to work when it just doesn't cut it anymore... if it doesn't align with your values, doesn't utilize your potential, or you are simply overrun repeating the same old formula. If it doesn't light your fire, look for something better."
van Harmelen's paper warrants repeated reading -- the speaker's use of English as a second language makes grasping some of the important ideas in the paper less easy to take in on first reading -- for example, only much later in the paper is the author's use of the term "expressed" substituted for the word "monitored" -- the former may be more in line with traditional research, while the latter is more consistent with more recent Mindfulness research -- crucial when considering possible therapeutic initiatives -- see this quote on p. 9 "... individuals have more experience in distracting themselves from a personal thought. They may even have developed a network of distracter thoughts and may have used this network in order to distract themselves during the suppression of a personal thought and, subsequently, have diminished intrusions of that thought during the expression phase (Kelly & Kahn, 1994). In line,Salkovskis and Campbell (1994) found higher rates of intrusions of personal thoughts for participants who tried to suppress the thoughts compared to those who only monitored (expressed) them." This is certainly what one would predict from a Mindfulness Based Cognitive or ACT approach.
For me, now, nothing more truly expresses those times in life, when you've had just so much of "the same old crap" that you absolutely have to do "something" about it, like Leave -- how many of us have tried "geographicals" -- leaving where we are in order to "get away" . But, if all we've done is to physically move from one place to another, while carrying the same emotional baggage with us, how often have we been successful? As van Harmelen's article indicates, the more you try to force "getting away from it", the more it comes back to haunt you. Looking at the research reviewed, and the clinical models discussed, on my site, one cannot ignore the huge role played by "avoidance" in the onset and maintenance of a lot of psycholgical distress. Certainly van Harmelen's article also supports this conclusion.
In van Harmelen's article, it was found that individuals reporting Severe CEM (versus No Abuse, Low CEM, or Moderate CEM) report more avoidant tendencies for negative emotional experiences. Despite these tendencies, individuals reporting Severe CEM are not more adept in actually suppressing thinking of negative (and positive) autobiographical memories. Furthermore, it was found that when individuals were no longer instructed to suppress thinking about the memory, individuals reporting No Abuse, Low CEM, or Moderate CEM reported fewer intrusions of both positive and negative autobiographical memories when compared to those reporting Severe CEM. Finally, intrusions of negative memories are strongly related with psychiatric distress. Therefore, the present study results may provide an important avenue to better understand the consequences that emotional child maltreatment might have, as well as suggesting avenues for successful intervention.
The article goes into some detail about possible mechanisms by which the obtained findings could result from a variety of psychological processes. (And the article fails to bring into consideration some results found when looking at such disorders as Borderline Personality, such as the longer than "normal" latency into returning to being settled after aversive emotional arousal). More pressingly,I couldn't help but rhetorically and privately commenting: "That's why we need survivors to be mindful of their experiences AND to take part in research!' My own life experience has always influenced my perception and interpretation of research in this area, but I must confess even I don't have the answers to questions that arise in this research -- avoidance is part of MY "way of handling" the experiences resulting from my past abuse -- and I try to "over think to (over) protect" myself from intrusive autobiographical memory intrusions -- so much so it's always the body oriented therapy techniques that can make me quake to my core -- a sure sign of lack of "emotional wisdom" -- so here's plug for you to take part in the research surveys hosted on my site, please!
So, we can maintain the emotional distress that we have "always" known, by inadvertently "avoiding" personal issues, or we can try "something different" but in order to be responsive to this "something differrent" we must beware of the "rules" we have set for ourselves. If we adhere to rules we are less open to environmental contingencies, including opportunities for new, growth enhancing, opportunities. This is not "new research" but it's certainly in line with Mindfulness and ACT approaches -- in fact, there's been a recent brief discussion on the ACT discussion list about "contextual insensitivity" -- insensitvity to environmental contingencies for change when under the control of rules. So as ACT practitioners would say "carry lightly" those ways we have mentally constructed our personal stories, how we have come to understand our lives, and the rules we have set up for ourselves to "keep us safe" -- sometimes those rules WILL keep us safe, in the toxic environments we've come from, but straightjacket us and prevent our "movement" in new settings, with new opportunities, with new people.
But some times we really do learn to look for where those new environments, those new opportunities are -- sometimes, coming from toxic relationships early in our lives, we have difficulty investing in new relationships, and sometimes we hang on too long, hoping "this time, it'll be different" -- maybe, be aware of your own issues, aware of other peoples' issues, and different parties' differrent capacities for change. Sometimes you really have to accept "when the dealing's done" (in the great song by Kenny Rogers), or "when it's time to leave the table".